“Yes” means “No!!!”

Young lady

Young lady

No one likes being ignored, with the exception of a few individuals who prefer to remain in the background. This applies to both halves of the human race, male and female. With the exception, again, of a smallish number of individuals, males are attracted by females and vice versa.

Whenever a female wants to attract a male she will dress attractively and behave in a way that indicates that she finds the male attractive. And vice versa of course. Males do dress up when they want to attract women. They shave, they use “aftershave” and “deodorants”, they dress smartly.

Girls at a party

Girls at a party

Females do all that, or the equivalent, but while males tend to favour paler more muted colours, and plain fabrics, females tend to go for brighter colours, and clothes tend to be more revealing of the female’s body, with low cut tops and short skirts. Women also tend to use more make up than men almost to the point of caricature. Eyes are enhanced by eyeliners, skin is smoothed and rendered apparently blemish free with foundation and lips are enhanced with bright red lipsticks.

Everything about the look of a female who is trying to look attractive says “come and get me”, but it would be a stupid male who took that literally. Unfortunately there are many stupid males out there.

Party

Party

The male psyche seems to expect instant gratification, while the female psyche seems to want a slower and steady build up. Of course this could all be due to the effects of societal gender stereotyping, but I don’t think so. This inevitably leads to conflict, as males get impatient with the slower pace, which females just want things to build steadily.

What complicates things even further is that females are trying to impress other women by their appearance, at the same time that they are trying to attract males, while males are largely uninterested in the appearance of other males. Males are more interested in linking up with a female than in whether or not one of their pals is using a new hair gel. More stereotyping? Maybe, but that is the way that it seems to work at present.

Man with makeup.

Man with makeup.

When you add alcohol into the mix, things become more explosive. It removes or reduces any inhibitions. A male may try harder than he otherwise would, because, after all, most males would want the female he is interested in to be happy with his approaches, and alcohol dulls his perception of how his approach is going, or makes him less aware of any negative signals that the female is putting out.

The female on the other hand, if she is drinking alcohol is less likely to be choosy when interacting with a male and is less likely to put out the negative signals. If excess alcohol is involved, it is likely that all inhibitions are removed, and the female may well be incapable of making reasonable decisions. This is a real danger.

Three drunken women

Three drunken women

If the female is incapable of making reasonable decisions, the responsibility devolves to the male. However, in situations involving alcohol the male may be rendered as incapable as the female. If the male is intoxicated and the female is not, then the situation is even worse.

People indulge in alcohol to be relaxed and to make social interactions, which can be fraught, a little easier. Unfortunately, with alcohol being relatively cheap, it can be easy to overindulge, with dire consequences. There is no easy solution to this issue. Alcohol could be banned, or made much more expensive, but that would just push the alcohol trade underground. There could be more education about the risks of drinking alcohol to excess, but such campaigns rarely seem to work.

Drunken man returns

Drunken man returns

Suppose though, to get back on track, a female and a male find themselves mutually attracted, without the benefit of alcohol or other drugs. Or maybe a reasonable amount. What then? Ultimately this is a mating game. The male is likely to have short term goals while the female is going to have longer term goals, at least in the current milieu.

The female presumably is looking for a long term relationship, while the male may not. He may just want sex. One problem is that it is difficult, not to mention a little weird, to discuss such matters when you have just met. Some modern couples seem to defer such discussion for a comparatively long time, and will enjoy sex well before they are established as a couple.

Teen kiss

Teen kiss

These days some females seem to have sex on the same casual basis as males, which seems to me to be a bit odd, and seems related to the current trend to loosen gender stereotyping. The consequences of this more relaxed behaviour may increase the number of females who don’t get married and those who end up as “single mothers”.

That is offset to some extent by long term unmarried partnerships, but not, I think completely. There are also more females who seem to move from partner to partner, with the kids tagging along.

The old-fashioned idea that females and males get married, and the female looks after the kids while the male provides for them all seems to be fading away. That’s not necessarily bad in itself, but there are advantages in being married. It’s a commitment usually for life, and it should be a partnership. Somehow, though the idea that the female looks after the children does not seem to be fading away.

Mother and children

Mother and children

Regardless, a single female who is out for a good time should not be potentially in danger, even if she dresses in an “attractive” manner. She may or may not be trying to attract males and could perhaps be only trying to impress her girl friends. If she does attract a male and finds him attractive, she should not be pressured into doing anything that she wouldn’t want to do, if she were completely sober.

Ideally men, especially young men who have been drinking, should learn that when a female says “No”, she really means “No”. It doesn’t mean “Maybe” which also means “No” and it especially doesn’t mean “Yes”. “Stop” means just that, no matter how far the couple have progressed in their physical relationship.

General Warning sign

General Warning sign

It is also true that “Yes” probably means “No” too. If it is early in the relationship, for example, on the night that the female and male meet, then any answer should be taken to mean “No”. There’s a lot of reasons for the “Yes” answer to really mean “No”. It could mean that she is scared of the male’s reactions should she say “No”, or she is too drunk to be rational, or simply that she is afraid of missing out or she is subject to peer pressure.

It would be a good idea for all males to treat all “Yeses” as “Nos” and to try to pick up on all the minute clues that females give out. The problem is that the male is likely to be at least as liquored up as the female and incapable of recognising the signals.

Stop

Stop

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