“Yes” means “No!!!”

Young lady
Young lady

No one likes being ignored, with the exception of a few individuals who prefer to remain in the background. This applies to both halves of the human race, male and female. With the exception, again, of a smallish number of individuals, males are attracted by females and vice versa.

Whenever a female wants to attract a male she will dress attractively and behave in a way that indicates that she finds the male attractive. And vice versa of course. Males do dress up when they want to attract women. They shave, they use “aftershave” and “deodorants”, they dress smartly.

Girls at a party
Girls at a party

Females do all that, or the equivalent, but while males tend to favour paler more muted colours, and plain fabrics, females tend to go for brighter colours, and clothes tend to be more revealing of the female’s body, with low cut tops and short skirts. Women also tend to use more make up than men almost to the point of caricature. Eyes are enhanced by eyeliners, skin is smoothed and rendered apparently blemish free with foundation and lips are enhanced with bright red lipsticks.

Everything about the look of a female who is trying to look attractive says “come and get me”, but it would be a stupid male who took that literally. Unfortunately there are many stupid males out there.

Party
Party

The male psyche seems to expect instant gratification, while the female psyche seems to want a slower and steady build up. Of course this could all be due to the effects of societal gender stereotyping, but I don’t think so. This inevitably leads to conflict, as males get impatient with the slower pace, which females just want things to build steadily.

What complicates things even further is that females are trying to impress other women by their appearance, at the same time that they are trying to attract males, while males are largely uninterested in the appearance of other males. Males are more interested in linking up with a female than in whether or not one of their pals is using a new hair gel. More stereotyping? Maybe, but that is the way that it seems to work at present.

Man with makeup.
Man with makeup.

When you add alcohol into the mix, things become more explosive. It removes or reduces any inhibitions. A male may try harder than he otherwise would, because, after all, most males would want the female he is interested in to be happy with his approaches, and alcohol dulls his perception of how his approach is going, or makes him less aware of any negative signals that the female is putting out.

The female on the other hand, if she is drinking alcohol is less likely to be choosy when interacting with a male and is less likely to put out the negative signals. If excess alcohol is involved, it is likely that all inhibitions are removed, and the female may well be incapable of making reasonable decisions. This is a real danger.

Three drunken women
Three drunken women

If the female is incapable of making reasonable decisions, the responsibility devolves to the male. However, in situations involving alcohol the male may be rendered as incapable as the female. If the male is intoxicated and the female is not, then the situation is even worse.

People indulge in alcohol to be relaxed and to make social interactions, which can be fraught, a little easier. Unfortunately, with alcohol being relatively cheap, it can be easy to overindulge, with dire consequences. There is no easy solution to this issue. Alcohol could be banned, or made much more expensive, but that would just push the alcohol trade underground. There could be more education about the risks of drinking alcohol to excess, but such campaigns rarely seem to work.

Drunken man returns
Drunken man returns

Suppose though, to get back on track, a female and a male find themselves mutually attracted, without the benefit of alcohol or other drugs. Or maybe a reasonable amount. What then? Ultimately this is a mating game. The male is likely to have short term goals while the female is going to have longer term goals, at least in the current milieu.

The female presumably is looking for a long term relationship, while the male may not. He may just want sex. One problem is that it is difficult, not to mention a little weird, to discuss such matters when you have just met. Some modern couples seem to defer such discussion for a comparatively long time, and will enjoy sex well before they are established as a couple.

Teen kiss
Teen kiss

These days some females seem to have sex on the same casual basis as males, which seems to me to be a bit odd, and seems related to the current trend to loosen gender stereotyping. The consequences of this more relaxed behaviour may increase the number of females who don’t get married and those who end up as “single mothers”.

That is offset to some extent by long term unmarried partnerships, but not, I think completely. There are also more females who seem to move from partner to partner, with the kids tagging along.

The old-fashioned idea that females and males get married, and the female looks after the kids while the male provides for them all seems to be fading away. That’s not necessarily bad in itself, but there are advantages in being married. It’s a commitment usually for life, and it should be a partnership. Somehow, though the idea that the female looks after the children does not seem to be fading away.

Mother and children
Mother and children

Regardless, a single female who is out for a good time should not be potentially in danger, even if she dresses in an “attractive” manner. She may or may not be trying to attract males and could perhaps be only trying to impress her girl friends. If she does attract a male and finds him attractive, she should not be pressured into doing anything that she wouldn’t want to do, if she were completely sober.

Ideally men, especially young men who have been drinking, should learn that when a female says “No”, she really means “No”. It doesn’t mean “Maybe” which also means “No” and it especially doesn’t mean “Yes”. “Stop” means just that, no matter how far the couple have progressed in their physical relationship.

General Warning sign
General Warning sign

It is also true that “Yes” probably means “No” too. If it is early in the relationship, for example, on the night that the female and male meet, then any answer should be taken to mean “No”. There’s a lot of reasons for the “Yes” answer to really mean “No”. It could mean that she is scared of the male’s reactions should she say “No”, or she is too drunk to be rational, or simply that she is afraid of missing out or she is subject to peer pressure.

It would be a good idea for all males to treat all “Yeses” as “Nos” and to try to pick up on all the minute clues that females give out. The problem is that the male is likely to be at least as liquored up as the female and incapable of recognising the signals.

Stop
Stop

Makeup Your Mind

English: Green Dragon fantasy hair styling com...
English: Green Dragon fantasy hair styling combined with air brush body make-up (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

(I’m close to reaching my goal of 250 posts. What happens then? I don’t know).

I’ve just read a story about someone who went for 30 days without makeup. I’m not sure why I read it as I, like most men, don’t wear makeup. I have a beard so I don’t even shave. The idea of makeup if foreign to me. Even my wife doesn’t bother, except for special occasions.

The interesting thing for me was that the article recounted how her self-esteem plummeted. For the first few days it was “no one has noticed”, but later on it was “they’re all avoiding me”. She retreated from all social contact which interfered both with her work and in her personal life.

Exfoliation (PSF)
Exfoliation (PSF) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Even though her husband took two weeks to notice, she couldn’t really believe that it didn’t make any difference to him. She was surprised that he supported her in her goals, and wondered if it would help her marriage for her to go without makeup!

It seems to me that she is guilty of shallow thinking. She’s lived with this man for long enough that they are married, but presumably without children. (More on that later). They must have passed the initial attraction phase, and moved on to a deeper understanding of each other. In other words, they don’t judge the book by its cover any more. She could probably remove the wig and the false leg and it would not faze him. (I’m exaggerating of course – there’s no mention of such in her article).

Cold Cream
Cold Cream

Having, as she sees it, dropped her standards a little, she continues to drop them, first letting her hair go, and then letting her wardrobe go. At this stage she’s convinced that she is getting strange looks from the bank teller, who if he was a man probably wouldn’t have noticed anything, and her dry cleaner, who I’d bet was a woman.

She ends up getting called into his office by her boss. My take on the conversation was that it was about her clothes. It seems that she had come to work in clothing that was too informal for the office. The boss didn’t (as reported) mention makeup, just her outfit. It is most likely, in my opinion that he had noticed the changes in her behaviour – coming to work in sloppy clothes, avoid contact with other staff and wanted to know what was going on. A good boss always notices such things as they can sometimes be precursors of trouble.

Clothes Rack
Clothes Rack

Women in general seem not to like doing their makeup in the mornings. A Google search turns up many articles on how to “look good” without makeup. This one starts with a recommendation that the woman starts with “exfoliation”. Exfoliation for you blokes out there is a process that literally scrubs the skin off the face (or where ever. I’ve no idea if it is used elsewhere on the body. I don’t think that I want to know).

Of course young girls and boys see their mothers putting on makeup and they want to do it too. It’s fun painting your face. Boys are often discouraged from doing it, for no really good reason, but girls are often encouraged to make up their faces. Of course if the kids go out in public with makeup on, someone is going to be outraged at the “sexualisation” of young girls, which is a bit silly really. It’s only practise. Now if a young boy were to go out with makeup on, all hell would break loose, the heavens would fall and it would be the end of the world.

English: Face Painting at South Estes Farmers'...
English: Face Painting at South Estes Farmers’ Market in Chapel Hill, NC (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

To get back to exfoliation – it remove everything, including the supposedly “dead skin”. It removes all the natural oils from the skin, so once the outer layers of the skin are removed, “moisturisers” and “serums” and so on have to be rubbed into the skin.

All traces of skin hair apparently have to be removed. There are various methods for this ranging from shaving to waxing, from really painful to the merely expensive. Women have body? Shock, horror! Of course I’m an excessively hairy male with beard and some body hair, so it is no wonder that I don’t understand the obsessions with body hair. The only hair that I remove is the long nose hairs that meet with my moustache – they tickle.

English: Mr Bauer, ca. 1870. Serious portrait ...
English: Mr Bauer, ca. 1870. Serious portrait of Mr Bauer, who has a beard and short hair. He is wearing a high collared jacket. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There are 20 tips in that article, all of which sound expensive, the lotions and serums and face masks, and the whatever. I know that a hairdo may cost a woman up to $200. And they all seem so time consuming! A face mask takes time to do, and then the woman has to lock herself away for an hour or so for it to work. The article was on how to “look good” without makeup, but reading through the list, I’d suspect that most women would do at least some of these things, makeup or not.

Kids! I’d suspect that women who do most of the things mentioned above have no children. Of course having children doesn’t stop women doing these things, wearing make up and the rest, but time is precious when you are a mother, assuming that the responsibility for their day to day care devolves on the mother. Some of the things I mention above naturally fall by the wayside.

Mum's Lipstick
Mum’s Lipstick

That’s why articles like this probably reflect more closely how women with children feel. Dropping kids off at school and at kindergarten, doesn’t leave a woman much time for makeup. Morning is all about wrangling kids out of bed, into clothes and into the car (back out of the car to pick up the packed meals that are sitting on the bench, also a coat for one child who seems oblivious to the temperature) leaving no slot for makeup, let alone exfoliation.

The rest of the day is washing and cleaning and removing the toy cowboy stuck in the vacuum cleaner. Of course she could wear a face mask while hoovering, but then she’d sweat under it with dire consequences. Then it’s time to pick up the kids again, and start preparing a meal.

Face Mask
Face Mask

So, makeup. The spouse probably doesn’t care. The spouse sees the woman, not the makeup, believe me. It’s absurd, really, that going without makeup could damage a woman’s self esteem. It’s just not that big a deal.

Makeup
Makeup